Majorthebys Charming and brutal

MoPoshy Absolutely brilliant

Doomtomylo a film so unique, intoxicating and bizarre that it not only demands another viewing, but is also forgivable as a satirical comedy where the jokes eventually take the back seat.

Brendon Jones It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

zardoz-13 "Nineteen Eighty Four" director Michael Radford's minor romantic crime thriller "B. Monkey" chronicles the stormy relationship between an impulsive female cat burglar and a conventional male school teacher. Dario Argento's super sexy daughter Asia plays the eponymous character with relish in this beautifully photographed, well-acted, but ultimately forgettable epic. Indeed, you'll have trouble keeping your eyes off the lovely Asia who shows no qualms about showing off her delectable body in tastefully lensed full frontal nudity. An assortment of criminals floats into and out of her life as she struggles like an old western gunfighter to cease her life of crime. Beatrice explains in voice over narration how she came to acquire her name: "I can get into anything." One day in a pub, a lonely English teacher at a primary school, Alan (Jared Harris) approaches Beatrice. Initially, she rebuffs him because she neither knows nor trusts him. Finally, Alan convinces Beatrice that he poses no threat to her so she agrees to a date the following evening at eight and stands him up. Beatrice's low-life friends—they might be more accurately described as accomplices--include homosexual Paul (Rupert Everett of "Cemetery Man") cut from the same cloth as Noel Coward and a lunatic young hoodlum boyfriend, Bruno (Jonathan Rhys Meyers of "Ride With The Devil"), who is prepared to die for her. Meanwhile, ordinary Alan teaches by day and serves as a disc jockey by night at a local London hospital.Eventually, Beatrice and Alan get together, but Beatrice discovers that the young school teacher cannot get it up. Whether Alan cannot gain an erection in the warm company of the comely Asia--who resembles a brunette Venus on a half-shell—or because he is too overwhelmed by her abrupt behavior is never established. Eventually, Asia gets him back into shape and the two fall in love. Anyway, Beatrice refuses to work for a local mobster, Frank (Tim Woodward), but complications arise that force her back into crime. Alan has trouble with a student who accuses him of slamming him against a wall after the student stabbed another student in the face with a pencil. The boy's surly mother prefers charges against Alan, but Beatrice and Bruno pay her a visit and change her mind. Naturally, Alan is outraged and manages to get another teaching job far out in the country. Beatrice leaves London and her friends, but she cannot truly leave them and the consequences of her criminal activities come back to haunt her in the wilderness.The performances are tops and director Michael Radford keeps things moving along so the action never stalls out. The chief problem is that none of the characters are interesting. They are either goody-two shoes like Alan or obnoxious criminal types like Bruno. Radford stages a couple of credible jewelry heists, largely smash and grab affairs, and gives his average, unexceptional film more polish than it deserves. Those who must have happy endings will love "B. Monkey." This movie breaks the cliché about the ready-to-have sex mentality of men. When Beatrice knows that she is about to have sex with a guy, she jumps in bed and peels her clothes off quicker than the man can get his pants down. Typically, the man is the ready-to-have sex partner with the woman showing some reluctance. Again, aside from Asia's gorgeous body and some good acting, "B. Monkey" is like a banana peel. You watch this movie and you will feel like you've make a slip-up.

The_Void B.Monkey has one main attraction, and it's sporting it's bare back on the front cover of the case; Asia Argento. Italian women are very attractive, but Dario Argento's daughter is more attractive than most. Luckily for her fans, she isn't too bothered about public image either, which is always a bonus. Asia is well known for pushing the boundaries by doing things such as admitting to taking drugs and having no problems with posing nude for photo shoots and doing nude scenes in her movies. And this movie features plenty of Asia!Unfortunately though, Asia is about this film's only asset. It's true that it is well directed, but that is somewhat lost under the unlikely and predictable storyline. The film tries to blend too many different elements; thriller, romance, feel good and crime most notably and it doesn't blend too well and ends up rather messy. It also doesn't feature too many stand out moments and overall it feels very much a B-movie. The movie tries to lend itself a heart with the way that the two main characters are the complete opposite of each other and yet they still find romance. However, even this aspect of the movie doesn't feel quite right, as in real life a hardened criminal would be very unlikely to fall for a dorky schoolteacher. Another major flaw with this movie is the dialogue, which at times is a little suspect, especially some of things Asia says, they just aren't right for her character. Still, any movie with an often naked Italian babe, sporting an angel tattoo across her stomach has got to be worth a watch, even if it poorly plotted, badly scripted and on the whole, extremely unlikely.

rosscinema This was Michael Radford's first film since "Il Postino" and it's definitely a letdown because Radford is a terrific director. Story is about a woman named B. Monkey (Asia Argento) who moonlights as an armed robber and she works with a couple of drug addicts named Bruno (Jonathan Rhys-Myers) and their father figure Paul (Rupert Everett) and a local gangster named Frank (Tim Woodward) is the one who sets up the scores. One night Bea meets Alan (Jared Harris) who is a school teacher and he asks her out on a date. She accepts and soon she falls in love with him and wants to leave her sordid past behind. Alan gets another teaching job in the country and Bea goes with him and they start to live the quiet life but one day Bea calls Paul and he traces the call back and finds out where she lives. Paul is in serious trouble with Frank and they follow him to where Bea is. One of the main problems with the story is how much Alan puts up with to be with Bea. Her friends are criminals, she was responsible for him losing his job and she displays a pretty bad temper. Maybe it's time to move on, buddy! But the strong point for the film is Argento's performance. She's a very brave actress and it appears that she would do just about anything on camera. There are several scenes in this film that require total nudity and Argento seems very comfortable doing this. Argento is Italian and grew up in Europe and European actress's seem to have a different attitude towards nudity in films. I first noticed Radford's direction in the highly underrated "1984" and also "Dancing at the Blue Iguana". Both of these films along with "Il Postino" are superbly directed but his talent wasn't evident in this film. It's adequately made but besides Argento this was a pretty tepid viewing experience. I had heard rumors that it was heavily edited but I'm not sure thats the problem. The whole film feels flat and labored and really has nothing special to offer. Argento does make it watchable though.

Rogue-32 Saw this on cable the other night - a very stylish and energetic little film, with fine central performances from Asia Argente, the always-great Jared Harris and Rupert Everett (who broods like no other). Catch this Monkey if you can.