NekoHomey Purely Joyful Movie!

Blucher One of the worst movies I've ever seen

Quiet Muffin This movie tries so hard to be funny, yet it falls flat every time. Just another example of recycled ideas repackaged with women in an attempt to appeal to a certain audience.

Staci Frederick Blistering performances.

Bezenby Is that his real voice he's using on this one? Man, it makes him even creepier than usual, not only that, he's doing a Stuart Hall and feeling up the female crew of an...wait...getting too far ahead. Y'see what has happened is this - there's two rival companies, one German, one American, messing around on Titan doing mining and stuff, only something's gone wrong and the American's have to send a rescue mission out there, only to find an alien zoo where one of the creatures has escaped and seemingly wasted a German crew...except for Klaus, who makes himself known by grabbing the boob of one of the Americans. This creature can control your mind if it gets close enough to plant some sort of leech on your head (kind of like the brain slugs from Futurama!), and it promptly begins taking over the crew and killing them off in various ways. It's like Alien, basically, with some zombie types thrown in, but it's rather good!There's a few gory scenes to keep you going, from faces being ripped off, heads being bitten off, and a head explosion, and it must be said that the majority are right in saying that the film does slow down a bit towards the end, it's still worth it if you're into these early eighties films.

capkronos The director of the creature feature SCARED TO DEATH (1980) returns to familiar territory with this monster(s)-in-space flick; one of many similar films released in between the hits ALIEN (1979) and ALIENS (1986). Some time in the near future, rival corporations Richter Dynamics (out of Germany) and NTI (out of the U.S.) are competing for new materials to advance their manufacturing technologies. A geological research team stationed on Titan, Saturn's largest moon, runs into trouble in the form of a vicious alien creature, who makes short work of the team. Not long after, an alien-controlled ship flies directly into the space station Concord and blows it up. Suspecting an other worldly force is perhaps responsible, a seven- member group of volunteers from NTI - headed by corporate honcho David Perkins (Lyman Ward) - hope to make the archaeological discovery of the century by discovering alien life on Titan.Upon approaching their destination, Captain Mike Davison (Stan Ivar) is forced to crash land their ship, the Shenandoh. Suffering extensive ship damage and facing a quickly-dwindling oxygen supply, the crew set out to get help from a German ship stationed nearby but discover it littered with the corpses of the crew. A big, blood-thirsty creature soon pops in for a visit and makes short work of crew-woman Susan (Marie Laurin). And that large, somewhat awkwardly-designed alien isn't the only odd creature inhabiting the planet. Outside, they stumble across the remains of a crashed alien ship and it was hauling a collection of different alien life forms; some of which are still living. One species is able to use "collective intelligence" to impersonate its victims to lure the others to their doom, which mechanic John (Robert Jaffe) soon finds out first hand when the dead "Susan" pays him a visit and strips off her clothes. And then something truly weird and terrifying happens: Klaus Kinski shows up. Ahhhh!Kinski's character - Hans Rudy Hofner - is the sole survivor of the German expedition, and he acts extremely weird and hilarious childish and giddy as if he's not taking a second of this seriously explaining that the aliens have "vaited fer dem fer two tousan zenturres." I've watched three Kinski movies this past month and in all three of them he plays a character who grabs one of the female cast members and then squeezes their breasts! The victim this time out is Diane Salinger, who plays a potentially fun character - a tough security officer - but, like Klaus, she's not given enough to do and vanishes from a large portion of the film. Most of the action centers around the two male leads and the cute Wendy Schall (who now voices the mom of the animated series "American Dad"), who plays some kind of electronics expert.Overall, this is a watchable, albeit clichéd and wholly forgettable, movie. The script is generic but otherwise it's well-made, the cast, art direction and special effects are all competent and there's some nudity and some gore, including a face getting ripped off, an exploding body and a female doctor (Annette McCarthy) getting her head ripped off. But at the end of the day, it's really nothing more than a passable time waster. I guess there are worse things. Despite being pretty mediocre overall, this 750K-budgeted film ended up becoming quite profitable; making back its entire budget opening weekend alone in less than 200 theaters. As a reference point, Tobe Hooper's messy LIFEFORCE, released just a few months later the same year, didn't even make back half its huge 25 million budget in 1500+ theaters.

breakdownthatfilm-blogspot-com I don't call poorly made films awful unless I don't agree with the tone that the story displays to me on screen. Besides the fact that, every film deserves credit for at least being given a theatrical release for the work that was done to create the production. However, that doesn't mean the production was executed nicely or was entertaining. And based off the hour and thirty minutes that I sat through, I was really bored with it. This is an Alien (1979) knock-off that doesn't deserve to be called a good knock-off.The title of the movie is as bland as the plot itself. And before anything even started, everything but one credit ran onto the page and that was whose film it was. It was never stated who starred in this film and what actors I would see. What kind of introduction is that? Doesn't director William Malone want his audiences to know who will be acting in his then being released movie? Jeez, what a glory hound. The story is about a space crew that answers a distress call from one of Jupiter's moons named Titan. There, they discover an alien that was thought to be long gone, but was only hibernating in which it then begins to kill off each member one by one. Quite honestly, it wasn't even the cliché plot that bored me. It was the poorly written character roles. Director Malone and his one time writing partner Alan Reed really did a less than professional job at creating characters with any depth.There were so many areas that could have been touched upon and none of them were even looked at. There were two couples in the crew. How'd they meet? How long have they been together? There was a character named Bryce. She didn't even talk until about 30 minutes into the film. Why? Is there something about her we don't know? And possibly the weirdest individual of all is Hofner (Klaus Kinski) which many viewers seem to like for some reason. He too was never given a background. He's also an old pervert, but that's it.There are also blatantly clear things that every character should have common sense for. If you know, that you cannot live in space without a helmet, why go following someone who doesn't have one on? Wouldn't that seem odd or unusual? I mean really. And if there is no possibility of surviving out in space without a spacesuit, how is it that one member of the crew able to survive after being left out in a vacuum for several minutes?The only credit I'm giving is for at least having decent looking effects when it came to the spaceships, moon terrain and spacesuits. Yes there was blood, but the alien barely even showed its face in the whole running time. And then, once it was fully on screen, it looked like a teenage mutant ninja sloth. Also it was clunky as hell. It wasn't smooth moving at all. It looked choppier than King Kong (1933). And as for Thomas Chase and Steve Rucker's music, I don't know what to say about it. It's just music. It doesn't sound terrible or obnoxious but it wasn't engaging either. I probably enjoyed their music more from Dexter's Laboratory (1996) than in here.The characters are one-dimensional and they aren't intelligent either. There is no tension anywhere and the special effects are derivative. Watch only if you want to waste time.

MotionPictureMeltdown This movie is 97 minutes of pure terribleness. There are just really no saving factors for it. Obviously the team sets themselves up for destruction in the start as they decided to land (against the only smart cast member's orders) in a crevice where another ship has already gone silent. Even after they crash and people start dying, rather than sticking together, they run off in separate directions getting infected left and right. It's like a Benny Hill music should be playing in the background as one individual commands the next to "go to engineering" where characters keep dying one by one. The cast is terrible. Not only does pretty much every character look and speak the same, but the lead actor Klaus Kinski(in the last 5 years of his life) I believe has truly become crazy. His constant switching between German and English is hard to understand and annoying. I could make a better creature with poster tubes, some engine oil and fake teeth. The special effects are god awful, as well as the most of the props look like straight out of Dollar Tree. Every time a door opens, I hear a tie fighter shooting the place up. The little bit of gore that was in the movie wasn't horrible, but hardly makes up for the sheer ridiculousness of the creature, characters, and plot. I'd say the entire $750,000 of the budget was used on the one good head explosion the movie had. We podcasted this movie along with the 2011 Creature and recommend exactly neither of them. Stay away...stay far away....I usually will give one out of ten stars for acknowledging that yes, this is indeed a movie. I will give it a second for mediocre gore and the nostalgia of Klaus Kinski.Check us out for more movie reviews by looking up Motion Picture Meltdown on Facebook, Unitedcypher.net, or MPMPodcast on Twitter.