Titreenp SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

Nonureva Really Surprised!

Brennan Camacho Mostly, the movie is committed to the value of a good time.

Quiet Muffin This movie tries so hard to be funny, yet it falls flat every time. Just another example of recycled ideas repackaged with women in an attempt to appeal to a certain audience.

meddlecore This schlock-ridden beauty is a christmas horror gem of the it's-so-bad-it's good variety.The plotline is gold.Nazis have genetically engineered the master race gene into elves buried in an american forest. The man behind this plot impregnated his own daughter, as part of a scheme to create the perfect human- specifically designed to procreate with these elves. Hence, his granddaughter is the focus of an ancient prophecy come to fruition...as she is to breed with the elf at midnight on christmas morning, to bring forth the antichrist and master race- who will rule over the entire world.But she has no idea about any of this...until, well, her friends start getting murdered by nazi occult priests and the elf itself.Up to this point, she's just a rad 80's chick, upset with the outrageousness of this square world...shooting the shit with her girlfriends and getting up to no good. At least when she's not working.One night, she and her girlfriends break into the department store where she works. They plan to party...but are are interrupted with this whole fiasco, before they get a chance to let loose.Now, her, Santa, and her little brother must take on and destroy the elf, before she gets raped and knocked up with the antichrist by it.This film is cheesy as hell, but the elf is kinda cool (though, also totally lame), and its full of awesomely quotable one liners. There's even some tension in there! Meaning, it's pretty much everything you want in a christmas horror this holiday season.Recommended.6 out of 10.

Coventry I think we have another winner… The plot of "Elves" definitely has earned a spot in top 10 most bonkers and randomly senseless plots ever penned down for a horror movie! It's a Christmas movie, and for once it doesn't revolve about an escaped lunatic killer in a Santa Clause suit! Instead, writer/director Jeffrey Mandel (who?) cooked up a Christmas goulash with bizarre ingredients like evil Nazi doctors, sickening incest confessions, shopping mall Santa heroes, gratuitous kitty-cat killings and a hideous two-foot tall Elf creature! That's right by the way; the film is called "Elves" (plural) even though there's only one elf (singular) on display. Are you ready for the plot summary? I bet you aren't… Close to Christmas, 17-year-old Kirsten and her two bimbo friends unwittingly summon a demonic little Elf-creature in the woods. Little do they know that Kirsten's now crippled grandfather once was a Nazi scientist who designed the plans for the creation of a superior master race. The elf creature has to breed with the virgin Kirsten (whose grandfather is, in fact, also her father) on Christmas Eve. Kirsten works in a department store where the homeless and chain- smoking replacement Santa Clause is the only one who can rescue her from the claws of the retarded Nazi-elf! "Elves" is terrible and inept, but simultaneously hilarious and easily one of the most entertaining "so-bad-it's-good" movies I've seen in a long time. Each and every single character in this film is deranged, like the loathsome mother who hates her own daughter so much that she drowns her beloved cat in the toilet (though, eventually, it does turn out she has a very good reason to hate her) or Grandpa's demented Nazi accomplices. Even though the tone of the film is nonsensical and fairly light-headed, there are a couple of vile and misplaced gory sequences, like the slaughter of Kirsten's two idiot friends. The acting performances from the entire cast are atrocious, but main star Dan Haggerty is the worst of all. He speaks in the same tone of voice throughout the entire film, whether he's calm or excited, and he looks as if he's sorely missing the times he was a successful actor playing a hermit living amidst the grizzly bears. His character also has some of the dumbest lines in cinematic history, like for example when he's beating up one of the Nazis and asks him – in between two smashes – how many teeth he has left.

capkronos This isn't a good film, but it's a pretty good bad film. Troubled blonde teen Kirsten (Julie Austin) has a horrible home life that rivals just about everything Linda Blair went through in her 1970s film adventures. Her dad is out of the picture (or so she thinks). Her mother (Deanna Lund) is an icy mega-bitch whose idea of punishment is tapping into her daughter's savings account. Her kid brother Willy (Christopher Graham) is an obnoxious perv who likes to look at her boobies. Her German grandfather (Borah Silver) is a wheelchair bound weirdo who slaps her around for staying out too late. Needless to say, Kirsten is having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit. On top of all that, she's having these strange dreams which have something to do with some book or her family lineage or a drawing she made. It's all rather muddled and hard to understand. Kirsten, along with her bimbette friends Brooke (Laura Lichstein) and Amy (Stacey Dye), decide to hold some sort of séance out in the middle of the woods. Before they can even get started, Kirsten cuts her hand on a busted glass candle. Blood gets on the ground, the girls leave and out pops a rubbery elf monster! Not elves. An elf. Just one of them. Don't expect GREMLIN like monsters running around killing everyone despite the title.Kirsten works at a department store. It's Christmastime and her boss is being a jerk. He threatens to fire her after she knocks out the guy playing Santa for trying to feel her up. The elf sneaks into the store and kills the mean Santa by stabbing him in the crotch about 10 times with a knife. Police show up and basically do nothing. Homeless, out of work former store detective Mike McGavin (Dan Haggerty) is hired on to replace the dead Santa. Despite the mysterious murder and a mad killer still on the loose who was just there earlier that day, Kirsten, Brooke and Amy decide to have a secret slumber party after hours in the store. They invite three guys over (who never make it inside), put on make-up, try on ugly lingerie, decide what tents they want to boff their boy toys in and end up getting attacked by both the elf AND some heavily armed posse of mystery men who somehow know all about what's going on. Only Kirsten and Mike end up getting out of the store alive, but there's more fun in store for young Kristen when she gets home. As it turns out, Kirsten is of a rather special bloodline. The Nazis are after her because they know she is the key to reviving the "Master Race." They know that only a virgin who is the bi-product of father-daughter incest is suitable to mate with an elf to bring on the second coming of the Third Reich. Will the rubbery elf fiend be able to wine, dine and consummate its relationship with Kirsten? Does Kirsten now wish she'd given it up to her mullet-sporting suitor in the home improvements section earlier in the film? See what happens ladies when you save yourself for marriage. Tragic consequences always ensue. You'll either get a lot of innocent people killed because cannibals want to sacrifice you or you'll get lots of innocent people killed because elves want to mate with you to create Nazis.In addition to the wacky plot, this one has lots of profanity, lots of bad taste, lots of bad acting, lots of quotable terrible dialogue, lots of hideous 80s hair and clothes, a little gore and even some nudity, most of which is provided by the evil mother character when she gets electrocuted in the bathtub when the elf throws a radio in. It's all pretty awful, yet entertaining nonetheless.

reverendtom No doubt about it, this is one piece of cinematic crap if there ever was one. But, it is likable in several respects. One, Dan Haggerty, he of golden mane (is it gold from all the cigarettes he smokes?) and large belly and beard. Two, the Elf doll is hilariously cheesy. It is like watching someone play with a toy. The thing must only have like one moving part. Three, the dialog is hilarious and the acting is horrendous. As a so bad its funny film, its definitely worth wasting an hour and a half on. But beyond that, this is really crappy. Even as a so bad its funny schlockfest, it could have been much better. It gets bogged down in an absurd conspiracy story about Nazis and the fourth Reich, so on. Although this retarded back story results in a great scene where a professor explains to Marlboro Man Haggerty ( actually they were Camels) the history of Nazis and elves at his Christmas dinner table. The name is false, as well, as there is only one elf.