Bardlerx Strictly average movie

Forumrxes Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

Siflutter It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Payno I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

thehebe Baldwin's directorial debut is a great turd of a movie. The plot, such as one exists, concerns two hitmen brothers, played by director/producer Baldwin and McQueen, as they try to intercept Madsen, who has enrolled in the witness protection program. The script is supposed to be comedic, but the unfunny, poorly timed dialogue thuds painfully. With minimal assistance from the film's cast or director, the plot limps haltingly forward, occasionally stopping entirely as Baldwin dwells lovingly on the brothers' excursion into a strip club (predictable gratuitous tit/ass/soft-core lesbian sex shots), their roadside digression with two young women who improbably do not hesitate to leap into Baldwin and McQueen's car (in incredibly poor taste, this scene features the women performing syncopated fellatio on Baldwin and McQueen, like a teeter-totter), and their lengthy and repetitive musings on the merits of breasts versus bottom and the `reason' why women are lesbians. Unsurprisingly, with the exception of Baldwin and McQueen's stereotyped Italian mother, the women in the cast all feature big hair, large breasts and miniskirts (Baldwin displays his particular fondness for waitress uniforms -- one can only imagine the casting couch). Disappointingly, Madsen's early promise of talent appears to have fizzled out entirely with this movie. This movie is not a train wreck. Rather, this 'train' never made it onto the tracks. Miss this one.

JudgeMalone When I selected this title on a decidedly busy, rainy night w/ a slim selection, I knew I wasn't settling in for a night of Shakespeare. I saw the cast was a hodgepodge of direct-to-video staples, but I wasn't prepared for how jaw-dropping inept and poorly produced this was. The dialogue and over-the-top acting are beyond juvenile in this failed road film. This movie is a peculiar kind of train wreck as you can't help but stare at this mindless production and wonder how it ever secured a distributor. You'll also curse Quentin Tarantino and the day he was born as he was the obvious influence to this debacle. Even Tarantino, not known for his smart acting choices,knew to stay away from this drivel. I should also note that Daniel Baldwin, the least talented of an overrated acting family, shows signs he's still on the pipe, and that Mike Madsen is becoming the funniest walking self-parody since Mickey Rourke. I look forward to THEIR direct-to-video collaboration (hopefully w/ Daniel Baldwin directing).

BigGuy This is simply a terrible movie. I should have known, since it stars one of the Baldwins (one of the lesser baldwins). Basically the movie is about two stupid brothers who incidently work for a crime boss. Their job is to help get Michael Madsen's character free from the FBI. Madsen has the choice of a long stretch in prison or witness protection and testimony against his boss.Basically the movie is an unbearable double road trip movie (the FBI guy and Madsen on one trip and the two brothers on another). The brothers aren't too bright and that is supposed to be funny. The FBI guy is incredibly uptight for which Madsen makes fun of him, again supposedly funny. At the end the FBI guy is not so uptight, and the brothers prove to not be quite that stupid.Oh, and this movie makes a stab at being politically correct. The crime boss isn't Italian, he has a black secretary and a huge samoan body guard. Of course the brothers are right out of Goodfellows, complete with the gold chains, shiny clothes, greasy hair, and Italian mother.Basically there is no reason to watch this movie. It tries to be funny a couple of times, but fails so miserably that it is hard to even realize that it was supposed to be funny. The level of action is more appropriate for a TV show. In fact if the movie were cut down to 45 minutes plus commercials, and called something like "The misadventures of so-and-so" it might be worth watching. In fact the same can be said for basically all of Michael Madsen's movies. In fine, not quite terrible enough for a 1/10, but definitely no more than 2/10.

NewYorkLondonParisMunich "Fall" (the Bulgarian video title is "The FBI vs. the Mafia") is a harmless witness-protection comedy that would be fine as a 30-minute short film. However, it stretches out to 90 minutes, which seem more like 180. I believe the point was to make a character- and dialogue-driven comedy, along the lines of an Elmore Leonard adaptation. But the film centers around the wrong characters, a couple of annoying dimwits, leaving the viewer waiting for the more interesting characters for some 20 minutes at a time.Michael Madsen is an FBI informer who agrees to testify against a Mob boss, and goes into the Witness Protection Program (Joe Mantegna pops up on screen for about one minute as Madsen's brother-in-law, an FBI agent, which apparently was enough for him to get his name on the front of the video box). Daniel Baldwin (who also directed) and Chad McQueen are the aforementioned dimwits, Mafia thugs who may--or may not--be assigned by the Mob boss in question to kill Madsen.Baldwin and McQueen generally behave like annoying buffoons. They're not funny, despite a slapstick-sounding soundtrack. Their characters could have been acceptable in small doses, but instead, the film centers around them, pushing Madsen and his straight-arrow FBI babysitter off to the periphery of the film.My suggestion: send this one back to the editing room. Cut 80% of the Baldwin-McQueen scenes. (Optional: stop now, and release "Fall" as a short film.) Add a lot more scenes with Madsen and the FBI babysitter. Add more background with Mantegna, the Mob boss, and whatever crime Madsen's being charged with. Add more scenes to the chase at the beginning/end of the movie, so the viewer can figure out how Madsen is caught.Don't get me wrong: even with the edits, "Fall" isn't going to be "Go," or "Pulp Fiction," or "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels." But at least it has the potential to get onto the "This Week's Picks" shelf at your local video rental shop. I think that's worth a trip back to the editing room...don't you?