Dorathen Better Late Then Never

PiraBit if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

AshUnow This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

Tyreece Hulme One of the best movies of the year! Incredible from the beginning to the end.

treesgetwheeledaway This movie was absolute crap. Nothing in it makes sense. It's funny because there's just no point. Read the tagline! What the hell does that even mean? Were they trying to make a horrible film? The lead actor, whose name is Jack Frost in the movie, looks like a cross between George Michael and Kevin Smith. It's all downhill form there. They try to incorporate some sort of ridiculous war story into the plot, and it doesn't work at all. All of the actors just look goofy and the writing just makes no sense at all. They do throw in some nudity for good measure though, and to keep people from turning the movie off. I imagine they were trying to make Frost into some sort of cult hero like Ash or something, but, no, not even close. He walks around with his stupid sunglasses killing people. It's all really, really lame. So, yeah, they got all that. Then they got some top of the line computer effects. The helicopters in the movie will blow you away, I totally couldn't tell they were fake, same goes for the bats. I couldn't believe that the director, or whoever the hell it was did a special feature w/ commentary for the special effects. They're laughable at best. The whole movie is laughable actually. Gary Busey's total screen time is about 2 minutes. 2 non-consecutive minutes. If you're looking for a laugh, definitely check this out. The complete non-sensical-ness(word?) all will have you cracking up.

Dr. Gore *SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*The mere thought of a Gary Busey vampire movie excites me. Could he bring the same magic from "Silver Bullet" to the vampire genre? I would bet he could. You'd never know it from watching "Frost: Portrait of a Fraud". Gary Busey plays a blind Daredevil of an art dealer (?!). Busey has next to nothing to do with this movie except for deceiving B-movie maniacs like myself into renting it. What a rip-off.This flick brings up a question I often find myself asking: If filmmakers think that a horror/monster angle is going to sell their movie, why not take the next logical step and make an actual horror movie? Someone really wanted to make a cheap-o action movie starring some overweight biker as Rambonehead the commando. Unfortunately the moneymen felt that this had been done to death and asked for a gimmick:"Well, how about one of the commandos gets bit by a vampire in broad daylight and then he's a vampire. So then we do some more lame soldier stuff cause I got this great footage of a helicopter we can use over and over and over...What's that? The vampire? Oh yeah! So anyway we zig zag from Afghanistan to Mexico to San Diego. No we don't really go to all those places. We film it in my backyard! Duh! Anyway about the vampire. We make him one of those self-loathing ones. He mopes around which is good for about 15 minutes of drama. "15 minutes". Now there was a good movie. Oh Right. The vampire. So anywho he is a vampire and then some other stuff happens and Gary Busey shows up and we film a helicopter or three and there's the movie. Whatta ya think dude?""Well, as long as there is a helicopter in my vampire movie...ehhhhh..."

DeadSalesman Well where do i start?Frankly i wish i didnt have to, but i caught a bit of this film the other night, and feel that i have to share it with others, in the vain hope of realeasing the burden put upon me for having seen it!I wont take long, but i will take long enough to mention the fact that Gary Busey looks like he belongs in a nursing home, and the so-called 'good guy' is some bear-like manakin, with the acting prowess of a slice of carrot cake. Also, the mere fact that he wears a pair of 1980's brown-tint pilot glasses throughout the entirety of the film made it almost unbearable to watch, in retrospect.The CGI employed in this film was clearly put together on a Sinclair Spectrum, and the only person it seems to fool, is bear-man, who probably cant see it, because even whilst searching almost pitch-black sewer areas, he STILL keeps his shades on, and expects me to believe that he is going to find his way in complete darkness, with the aid of a AA pocket maglite.The script is laughable and was probably written on toilet paper, to spare budget, seeing as this film was clearly made after the sale of a small selection of second hand shoes, which just about covered Busey's costs, to 'act' as a blind man.God, i cant even continue, i have to stop myself right here. Its that bad.

LeMarchand Spoilers for most of the film ahead (or they would be spoilers if it were possible to make this film worse). If you plan on watching the movie - something I highly recommend against - don't read on.It was a toss up between this and `Ticker', and I went by the IMDb voting for this. I can only assume that the cast and crew of the movie have voted.Opening with some ominous music and lots of fast cutting, and an exhortation to `Get Frost - he's the only one who will know what to do', the film starts quite well. Then we flashback to the Afghan war, and the rot sets in.Jack Frost and his band of mainly out of shape mercenaries are behind enemy lines. After we get to see how cool they all are - Frost never removes his shades (some nonsense about a phosphor grenade making his eyes sensitive to bright light), they make pop culture jokes, and they manage to take out a huge Hind CGI chopper with an RPG - the locals present them with a man they think is a demon, and ask them to kill the man. Frost's best friend, Nat, does the job because he looks into the man's eyes and sees evil, but gets bitten in the process. Nat later tries to cauterise the wound, and it seems that all is well.A year (or two or three) later (I had already realised that this movie was a stinker of the first order so wasn't paying close attention to the subtitles), Frost is out of the Soldier of Fortune business and is painting, writing art books and (it seems) doing a bit of burglary on the side (judging by his tubby size - though it's probably supposed to be `all muscle' - he must have to get especially strong rope when he lowers himself into a museum in one scene). Nat and the rest of the guys are south of the border, involved in a revolution. In the intervening time, Nat's hair has grown ridiculously long, and he seems to have developed Vamp speed and senses (though none of his friends think that it is odd when he blurs across the room at great speed). His vamp senses save him when the generalissimo orders the squad's execution, and he wanders through the desert, collapsing in a deserted town. Even though the town's well is sealed and there appear to be no inhabitants, there is still a sheriff and a jail with three or four prisoners, who Nat quickly dispatches - it seems that you only become a vampire after your body dies.Nat's wife back in the States is worried, and asks Frost to investigate. It seems that the generalissimo never hires the same team twice.Frost heads South, and confirms that Nat's team was executed. He avenges his friend by blowing up everyone in the generalissimo's compound.Nat, meanwhile, has made it to the States. We get a few scenes that show he is fully vamped out and evil before his distraught wife asks Frost for his help again. It seems that Nat has tried to pick up the pieces of his old life, but the bloodlust is too strong. After pussyfooting around for a while, aided by the most open-minded and forgiving cop in movie history (`You're girlfriend's dead in a pool of blood? You think it's Nat and he's a Vampire? Well, get out there and kill him' - a slight bit of paraphrasing, but you get the gist), Frost tools up and goes after Nat, having a special gun made.At first, this seems to be a small one-shot crossbow, but it turns out that he has had wooden-tipped bullets cast. At last, someone in a vampire film using a bit of brain-power! It will come as no surprise to learn that Frost survives, though it is a surprise that he then goes back to the crossbow as his main weapon - one slow, one-shot weapon against a fast, repeat-action one - come on! There is a slight twist at the end (in the vain hope of a sequel I guess).Direction and especially acting are well under par - my girlfriend commented that some of the actors seem to have come from the `adult movie' school of acting, and checking IMDb shows that at least one of them literally has - but the saddest thing is that, judging from what seems to be a lot of families involved in the cast and crew, this must have been a real labour of love for some of those involved, but they turned out the worst film I have seen for years.