EssenceStory Well Deserved Praise

MamaGravity good back-story, and good acting

SteinMo What a freaking movie. So many twists and turns. Absolutely intense from start to finish.

Wyatt There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

Paul Andrews Modern Vampires, or Revenant as it's also known, is set in Los Angeles where a female Vampire called Nico (Natasha Gregson Wagner) who is also known as the 'Hollywood Slasher' is going around openly killing people & drinking their blood, the ultimate Vampire Count Dracula (Robert Pastorelli) doesn't like this as if she is discovered the human race will be aware of the existence of Vampires & hunt them down like the vermin they are so he orders her dead. Meanwhile Dallas (co-exectutive producer Casper Van Dien) the Vampire who turned Nico rolls into town & wants to protect her, he also brings with him the supreme Vampire hunter Dr. Frederick Van Helsing (Rod Steiger) who is on a mission to destroy all Vampires. Much hilarity ensues, not...This made-for-TV piece of crap was co-produced & directed by Richard Elfman who also appears in the film at the end as the 'Cop with Doughnut' & I'll be brutally honest & get straight to the point & say that I thought Modern Vampires was awful. The script by Matthew Bright is obviously meant to be some sort of horror comedy, unfortunately Modern Vampires is neither horrific nor funny which is obviously a sizable problem. The films uses racial stereotypes with awful black jokes, there are terrible Vampire jokes & embarrassing slapstick comedy moments like the comedy sound effects when anyone hammers a stake into a Vampires heart or when the black dudes tie a female Vampire to a bed & take it in turns to have sex with her. The character's are also awful, just compare the annoying & irritating character's in Modern Vampires with the brilliant characterisations in Near Dark (1987) another contemporary Vampire film, it's like chalk & cheese to be frank & there is no comparison. In fact Nico has to one of the worst on screen Vampires in cinematic history & her character alone is going to knock a star off my final rating. The film is slow, it's dull, it's throughly predictable & I just had a hard time sitting through it. It's films like Modern Vampires that make me wonder what is happening to the horror genre.Director Elfman (composer Danny Elfman's brother) obviously doesn't know the meaning of the word subtle, everything is garishly over-the-top & exaggerated in a cartoonish sort of way. I still can't get over Van Helsing hiring a gang of black guy's, lame. There's certainly nothing scary here & I didn't find it funny in the least either. There's some gore here, people have broken bottles stuck in their necks, Vampires bite & suck blood, there are several vampire stakings, a Vampire has it's head cut off with a saw & there are a lot of bare naked breasts on show as well along with star Casper Van Dien's bare butt during a sex scene if that sort of thing interests you.With a supposed budget of about $2,000,000 this looks alright but is a bit bland & forgettable, the constant hip-hop style music is just so out of place as well. There's actually a decent cast here which is wasted. Van Dien, Steiger, Kim Cattrall & Udo Kier put in hammy performances while Pastorelli is perhaps the worst on screen Dracula ever.Modern Vampires sucks more than any Vampire in the film itself ever could, I'm sorry but that is what it basically boils down to & it's as simple & straight forward as that. It's neither horrific or funny & that's an absolute killer for a horror comedy, isn't it?

rhbwebpages2 There wasn't much all that scary or thrilling about this movie, as its self-proclaimed genre suggests. Rather, it was a great movie to watch and make fun of. Seeing the esteemed van Helsing tromping around LA with his ghetto band of misfits was the most ridiculous thing I've seen on film in a while. And the scene where the four "brothers" gang bang the vampire is hilarious due to its unexpected nature and exaggeration. And hearing Count Dracula call multiple people "f**kwads" is great. Watch this for laughs, but don't expect to get nightmares.Some of the special effects were cool, however, such as the "dying" of vampires when struck with a wooden stake and Dracula's hedonistic LA club. Overall, not bad. Just goofy.

mkiraly Only in America can vampires expect to call for garbage pickup. No messy disposal problems here. As a vampire author, I'd far rather see vampire movies that feature something new, rather than rehashing the old myths - no matter how well it's done. (For a similar new take on vampires, though hardly as funny, be sure to see Dance of the Damned) Actually, though Modern Vampires seems to strive to be intentionally bad, this makes it very funny, very hip though certainly not for everyone.I loved it for the early humor (The scene with the bitchy salesperson in the dress shop was worth the rental price all by itself), and was sad to see the over the top end did not work quite as well as the first half.

mnxxy I'm not a big fan of the vampire genre. BUT this is the best vampire movie I've ever seen. Rod Steiger was an inspired choice as the vampire hunter, and his involvement with a street gang had me rolling on the floor. Funny, scary, and not your everyday vampire movie.