Incannerax What a waste of my time!!!

NekoHomey Purely Joyful Movie!

Protraph Lack of good storyline.

Inadvands Boring, over-political, tech fuzed mess

Leofwine_draca A few high points of lunatic inspiration are countered by low spots of unrelenting silliness in this post-holocaust fantasy epic, supposedly based on the H. Rider Haggard novel but barely resembling it in any way, shape, or form. SHE is something of a mixed bag of a film, at its best when dealing with absurdist spectacle and at worst when cracking lame jokes and poor attempts at humour; the film is an Italian/US co-production with the emphasis on the US influence, as this movie adopts the standard buddy-buddy comedy action-orientated thriller mould of the '80s in its depiction of two muscle-bound actors and their dumb adventures in a land of make-believe. The biggest fault is the overly cheesy music used intrusively throughout the film by bands such as 'Bastard'; always inappropriate and often detracting from the minimal atmosphere that the movie has to offer.The poor narrative often jumps from scene to scene with little sense; a number of characters who hate each other and are willing to kill to prove the point suddenly become the best of friends the next. The action is plentiful and packed with cheesy effects, including the bane of '80s technology, the dreaded "glowing ray" computer-style effects which are used to animate the deadly green eyes of an angry god. Old-fashioned camera tricks are brought into play as well, with the camera being sped up to simulate magic plus another couple of novice ploys. The emphasis is on naked human flesh, with the heroes running around bare-chested and a tribe of feisty female Amazonian warriors led by the attractive Sandahl Bergman, here stripping off in a naked bath scene which is simply an excuse for female nudity.The movie offers plenty of (unskilled) sword fighting for the action fan and the requisite number of explosions and stunt deaths. During the tale our mismatched heroes encounter all manner of devious foes, whether they be chainsaw-wielding leprous mutants (whose limbs fall off for comic effect) or a group of young, attractive Romans who turn into cheesy hairy vampires at night - look closely and you'll see David Brandon as their leader. Other cheap but amusing attempts at excitement include the old walls-closing-in gag and a tribe of battling Amazon warriors who look ravishing but have little acting ability. Two highlights stick out in my mind as the twin pinnacles of lunacy: the first sees Bergman battling a Frankenstein Monster robot whose head explodes when beaten (!) and the second is an annoying overbearing sailor who literally multiplies when his limbs are severed from his body (kind of like Oddbod in CARRY ON SCREAMING). The effect is astounding.The action sequences become better staged as the film progresses and there's time for a clichéd arena battle between our heroes, i.e. the good guys, and a band of typical post-nuke clichés, dressed in outrageous clothing, silly headgear and all manner of weird and wonderful face paints a la MAD MAX 2. The band of misfits is led by none-other than peplum icon Gordon Mitchell sporting orange hair, a suit of armour, and barking evil-sounding orders to his henchmen - a B-fan's dream come true! The finale involves a battle to the end on a bridge and is surprisingly good considering the budget and lack of talent on the part of the crew; it's exciting, well choreographed, and an example of the genre at its best. As for the acting, Bergman is exceptional in the role - playing essentially the same part as she did in CONAN THE BARBARIAN to no ill effect, whilst a muscular-but-dumb part is played by Harrison Muller Jr., considerably bulked up since his days as THE FINAL EXECUTIONER. Otherwise, SHE is dumb but crazy fun.

zetes Supposedly based on the same popular sci-fi novel by H. Rider Haggard which was made into a film in 1935 and 1965 (the latter starring Ursula Andress), but, according to those in the know, it has nothing to do with it (despite claiming otherwise). This is a batcrap crazy post-apocalyptic sci-fi starring Sandahl Bergman (Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja, Hell Comes to Frogtown). I frequently joked during the movie that there was absolutely no plan as to where this movie was going. They were just making it up as they were going on. The actors would raid the costume and props departments and just come back with whatever weird stuff they could find. There's no other way to explain a giant, bearded man wearing a tutu and a gas mask. The (rather confusing) plot begins with two men (David Goss and Harrison Muller, Jr.) losing their sister to a group of crazy-looking men. They hear that the local goddess She (Bergman) knows where they're taking her, so they considerately kidnap her and make her lead them to their sister. Apparently each small settlement has their own god or goddess, a few of which we'll meet along the way. Accompanied by one of She's chief warriors (Quin Kessler), they make their way across the post-apocalyptic landscape and run into all sorts of zany tribes. One has a god named Godan who has telekinetic powers. The most memorable sequence in the film has an annoying Robin Williams impersonator named Xenon (David Traylor, who is a stand-up comedian who goes by the stage name David Zed) who, when you cut him into pieces, starfish-like, regenerates into multiple Xenons. Don't get me wrong, this movie is pretty terrible. But it plays out like a drug trip, and you'll definitely remember it. I'm really surprised I hadn't heard of it beforehand.

Alan Silverman I'm on the "it's so bad it's almost good" side. I caught part of it late at night years ago and it stuck with me. Parts are simply so weird they're wonderful. I remember some large guy on a white horse wearing a pink tutu. Did that really happen? And the werewolf dance. Fantastic. I also remember that at some point it gave up the ghost and was crappy after that. No matter. One good line can justify ones whole existence: "Your friend seems slightly overenthusiastic." "My friend's an asshole." This is for the person who claimed that "She" was worse than Plan 9 from Outer Space: Plan 9 was the most wretched thing I have ever watched. At one point I had to leave the room. It was during the "if this ping pong ball were the sun and that can of gasoline...." speech. Like Alex in "A Clockwork Orange" I may never recover. "She", on the other hand, has moments of inspired madness.

culwin Warning: Plot spoilers ahead!!I feel I can only properly review this movie by describing the plot.OK, first these guys with swords fight some Nazis dressed like football players, a boxer, and a guy in a tuxedo. Then this chick fights some knights (who appear out of boxes) and a frankenstein monster whose head explodes! Then the two guys and a chick are captured by some dudes wrapped like mummies (who wear sunglasses and carry chainsaws). Everybody escapes and they all end up at a pool party hosted by werewolves (I wish I was joking). They fight some Russian guy with telekenesis. They fight a guy in a ballerina dress and a gasmask. Finally they fight this guy who's a cross between Robin Williams and the Black Knight from Monty Python's Holy Grail. In the end, we get to see the names of all the people who were brave or stupid enough to take responsibility for all of this. Motorhead contributed to the soundtrack.Well that's the plot, I hope I didn't ruin it for you!By the way, this movie is TERRIBLE.