Incannerax What a waste of my time!!!

Cubussoli Very very predictable, including the post credit scene !!!

BlazeLime Strong and Moving!

BroadcastChic Excellent, a Must See

Harry Eckersley A fairly well choreographed film. That's the positive review. So much has been said negatively that I won't repeat it, but you get the same experience listening solely to the audio of the film as you would watching it for an hour and a half.I hate this movie.Although nowhere near as bad as some others, such as Leonard Part 6, The Amazing Bulk, Sharknado, Sharktopus vs Whalewolf etc., it's still boring.My friend chose this movie for me to watch over "Foodfight!" hopefully I don't burn my laptop when I watch that.

mrturk182 If the 1990s have taught us anything, it's that basketball players can't act. Michael Jordan bombed with critics in Space Jam, and Shaquille O'Neal flopped in Kazzam and Steel. But nowhere is this theory supported majorly than in Simon Sez.This is an action comedy that serves as the second major acting credit for former Chicago Bulls player Dennis Rodman. His prior appearance was in 1997's Double Team, alongside Jean-Claude Van Damme. For a terrible action flick, it did get points for a climactic coliseum showdown, complete with Coca-Cola product placements. You're better off watching that again than this movie, in which an Interpol agent named Simon (Rodman) is given an assignment to rescue a close friend's daughter, Claire Fence (Natalia Cigliuti). Assisting him in his quest are two cyber monks and his sidekick Nick Miranda (Dane Cook).Dennis Rodman's acting is just like what we've seen from him in Double Team. In other words, it's another acting attempt by an NBA superstar. To his credit, though, he's actually the best actor in this movie. Now, it's not signaling a good performance, but it's a huge compliment in comparison to his co-star, Dane Cook. With Simon Sez as the second movie he's ever done, Dane Cook is best known as a stand-up comedian who's had more acting credits than his co-stars overall. Now, he's way better as a stand-up comedian than he is an actor. He did have some good movies like Horton Hears a Who and Dan in Real Life. However, he is totally obnoxious in this movie. His idiotic comic relief character even makes Dennis Rodman look like Marlon Brando. There are more terrible comedy acting where that came from. There's also Micro (John Pinette) and Macro (Ricky Harris) as the two cyber monks, which is actually defined in Webster's as "unfunny computer nerds that spend too much time playing Dungeons & Dragons in their mom's basement". These comedic characters are all written in the most unnatural way possible. They're not just bad. They're annoyingly bad.This is an action comedy that heavily borrows from better films like 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop and Rush Hour, except in an agent theme. It also tries to come off as an action film when it completely feels like a comedy film. And when the plot and action kicks in, the movie suddenly goes on autopilot. They make the storyline and development so uninteresting, that it's not even on the same level as the awfulness in the first act. Although, you probably stopped caring about this movie after you're introduced to Cook, Pinette and Harris.In terms of action comedy, Simon Sez is sterile and boring as an action flick and even worse as a comedy. Dennis Rodman gives a better acting performance than he does in Double Team. Yet overall, Simon Sez is not only the worst movie to star an NBA player, but it's also bar none the worst movie to come out of the 1990s.Score: 0/100Recommendation: None

ironhorse_iv Why would anybody want to dig up this worm's awful dirt movie? This Dennis Rodman's movie deserve to be buried. Don't get me wrong, Dennis Rodman was an alright basketball player, known for his fierce defensive and rebounding abilities, but he should have never reach the level of popularity that he got in the 90s. He was a nightmare, most of the time. He became notorious for numerous controversial antics. I'm not talking about his repeatedly dyed his hair in artificial colors, piercing or tattoos, I'm talking about his regularly disrupted games by clashing with opposing players and officials, missing practice, and being a total ass. I guess, this 'Bad Boy' persona work for him, and he turn to films to launch him, even further. Dennis Rodman is not the worst athlete turn actor, I ever saw, surprising, but he's clearly not anywhere near the best like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. There has only been one awesome tattoo cover, multi-color hair, black man named Simon and that's Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes) from the movie, 1993's Demolition Man. Sadly, this movie actor is not in that level. Directed by Kevin Elders, Simon Sez tells the story of Interpol agent Simon (Dennis Rodman) whom job is it, to gather up information about the weapons trade on the French Riviera and trying to pinpoint the man at its center. Meanwhile, Nick Miranda (Dane Cook) -- an old classmate of Simon's -- asks him for help. Nick needs to rescue his employer's daughter, Claire Fence (Natalia Cigliuti) who appears to have been kidnapped by the same people that Simon is tracking down. The pair must get to the bottom of the increasingly dangerous situation with the help of two cyber monks: Micro (John Pinette) & Macro (Ricky Harris) and a feisty woman (Emma Wiklund), to rescue the woman and save the day. While, the movie can be funny with it's over the top action, the supporting comedy relief characters are just unwatchable and unfunny. I really can't stand Dane Cook with the annoying over-used animal impressions. He's overstay his welcome with the bed humping scene. Others characters that I hate, are the Cyber Monks. They should never be in an action scene, nor should they ever dance again. How come, they're not the same cyber monks from 1997's Double Team if this movie is supposed to be a spin-off? Honestly, those monks were kinda cool. Still, it seems like much more than mere coincidence that Dennis Rodman starred in two movies that feature Cyber Monks. Honestly, whom idea was it to have Cyber Monks in the first place? Those monks look like Franciscan friars, judging by their robes. Franciscan friars aren't adverse to most aspects of modernity. What's next? Virtual Amish!? It's seem really a bit of contradicted to practice their religion. Anyways, these Cyber Monks, in this film are just lame and obnoxious as hell. I can do without all the fat 'Free Willy' jokes. Even the villain, Ashton (Jérôme Pradon) hams it up. He's so cartoony in his line delivery. Clayton Day as Claire's father, William Fence looks like Robert Redford. I saw that some people mistake it for him, at the time. I really did mistake him for Redford, at the time, as well. Sadly, the movie has no season good acting. All of them were pretty mediocre. This movie is so over the top schlock, anyways. The poor literacy misspell title is lame attempt to look cool. Sez? What's does Special economic zone have to do with Simon? The half-baked plot is just as generic as other B-list action films of the time with a lot of kidnapping and looking for a disk to take over the world. There is a lots of filler scenes just to increase the run time with pointless fight scenes and stunts. Lots of awful wire-works action, with poor-time jumps and kicks. The movie suffer from poor action/reaction cutting. The impact gets completely lost. There is also a lot of fights goofs that they left in. The late 90s CGI special effects in this film are very fake looking. Scenes like the tunnel or the robot bee look so phony. Even the explosion look pretty scale down, when badly done models blow up or actors walking around in clearly no hidden blue screens. Another headache scene is the strobe light sex scene with Dennis Rodman and Emma Wilklund. I felt like I was having a seizure, watching it. Overall: it's a really bad spy movie that put too much campy spy clichés in it. If you're a fan of stupid movies. Then, watch it. It does have some it's so bad, it's good moments. If you know what you're getting into, turn off your brain, sit back and enjoy it. If you're very smart. Avoid it at all cost. Trust me, I wish I didn't see this film.

bob the moo We all have had jobs where we are only there for the wage and have no allusion that it is a terrible job and that some day we will do better, but for now this will do. Well, I cannot imagine that filmmakers are any different and, as such, Simon Sez must have been one of the films where, eventually, everyone was just clocking in to get the job done, without any allusions about what a terrible piece of junk they were involved in. It is not any one thing about it that makes it terrible so much as, well, everything. The plotting is pretty poor to being with in general sweep down to the detail. Well, actually that is not fair because I suppose the overall kidnap plot could MAYBE have been turned into something good if every aspect of it was not so badly done. It isn't just the silly cars with parachutes built into them, or the stupid fight scenes but just how generally incoherent and cheap the whole mess feels.This feeds over into the characters which are either lazy clichés delivered in basic terms or, worse, embarrassing "comedy" characters that are as funny as being on fire. Of course we have all see "bad" films which are enjoyable because the action scenes work in big fun ways and I guess Simon Sez was never going to produce tension so this was the way to go. However it is never fun and instead the action sequences just feel so incredibly poor, like director Elders just thought pointing the camera at people firing guns or jumping around would be enough, which it isn't. The cast are perfect for this and they are roundly terrible. Rodman is a massive stiff board of a man without any of the fluid movement he showed in the NBA at his best and certainly none of the passion – he is the charisma version of dark matter. Dane Cook is worse though because he tries really hard. Now, I kinda like his goofy performances in other things but here he is given sh1t to work with and he performs accordingly with an unfunny and irritating character – his "get prehistoric" doesn't get shaken from the memory easily either it is so bad. None of the rest of the cast can do anything but one does have to give special mention to the unimaginative "comedy monks" who are painfully unfunny (Pinette and Harris) and the effete bad guy who is useless as a central villain.Simon Sez is a terrible film. It is not even a "bad" film with a bit of fun or action about it because the cheap and nasty production standards and poor ideas conspire to leave anything of value on the screen at any point. Those picking on Rodman as if it is all his fault are missing the point – everyone is to blame here because nothing about it is good. Not the direction, the scoring, the stunts (terrible wire-work), the acting, the dialogue, the story – nothing. It is a terrible waste of space whose only memorable thing is just how insulting to the viewer it is.