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SpoilersThe film that supposedly presaged the decline of Carlo Verdone who, 'lost the plot,' with this one, Acqua E Sapone ('Soap and Water') is in fact, incredibly charming, weird, touching, realistic and absurd. It's a film that juxtaposes brutal realism against bizarre, hugely larger-than-life tableaux. The end result is a film that, like the best pop music, lingers inexplicably in the cortex.Verdone plays an intelligent, handsome janitor – a man with an honors degree unable to find work in line with his qualifications. The film opens with Verdone tutoring immigrants from Africa and elsewhere on the finer points of high poetry. The scene is hysterically funny; though Verdone inquires at the end of a miserable lesson, (the immigrants aren't 'applying themselves'), 'when are you guys going to pay me?' Verdone tosses a paper airplane in the air and in a beautiful transition, jump cuts to a 747 arriving in Rome, bearing the gorgeous 'Sandy' (Natasha Hovey) a glamorous teenage model, her stroppy and over-protective mother and 'American' step Father. A press conference ensues at the airport; inane questions are asked of the young lady. One reporter finally asks if she feels more like a girl or a woman. Hovey, pulling off her sunglasses is revealed as annoyed and possessed of awesome looks. Bella Figura!We next see Verdone's 'Rolando' at a convent school, waxing the floor; too much so in fact, causing a nun to slip. After apologies, Rolando begs of the nun to find a job in keeping with his academic credentials and a phone rings. 'The call comes to everyone in time,' the nun says, answer it – but she is referring only to the ringing phone, not to a job.Verdone answers and it is glamorous Sandy's gofer, asking if the famous preacher, author and missionary, 'Padre Spinetti,' would be willing to teach her for an impressive fee. Rolando goes to seek out the good man; Spinetti is occupied leading choir practice, (a fetish for which resurfaces in Iris Blonde) and snaps at Verdone that he is not to be interrupted. 'Screw it,' figures Rolando, who goes back to the phone, affects an accent and in a moment of madness, impersonates Padre Spinetti and takes the call. And the job.Later that night, in the gritty Roman apartment where Rolando lives with his outspoken Grandmother, the would be priest prepares to take another call to firm up the details of his teaching gig. We are introduced to his sex-obsessed neighbor, Fabrizio Bracconeri, who urges him to hurry up with the call, which is on a party line, as he has to fix a date with a 'Filipino girl with knockers like a Volkswagen.' Bracconeri, who sports a red perm, mustache, red sweatshirt and sweatpants, assures Rolando that red is very 'chic,' this season. The give and take, in Romanesque, the nasal dialect of Rome, between Rolando, Bracconeri and his Grandmother is brilliant – even Verdone's staunchest critics give him that.Rolando gets his call after telling Grandma to pretend to be a secretary; she obliges but warns her Grandson that dire trouble will follow. … The call, during which Rolando tries to project priestly integrity, sees Grandma chases a stray Roman cat through her kitchen, swearing in the local tongue – marvelous.)Rolando has purchased a priest's habit for the job but there again; grandmother has taken it to the drycleaners. Unfortunately the proprietor is dead and so is his business. Sneaking into the death chamber, Rolando notices another priest's jacket available and that the dead proprietor, being cried over by his widow, has pants that might work, too. Stealthfully, he removes the deceased's pants, snatches the jacket and steals away; causing his widow and other mourners to derive that the dead man not only moved, but 'took off his pants.'Rolando meets Sandy for the first time the next day at her parent's villa – after stopping off for a fist fight. He bluffs his way through the interview (after all, he's 30 years too young to be Spinetti) with a beautiful set of nerves he keeps up throughout the film, whenever he is near Sandy's parents. Sandy steals a look at her 'teacher,' in classic adolescent style; beautifully done by the 16 year old Hovey.Well, the obvious happens – Hovey falls for the 'priest,' and as quickly finds out – by rifling his belongings, that he is not a priest. She doesn't give him up of course, provided he let her leave her restrictive model's life of controlled diets, workouts, homework and television. And that's about it … that's her routine. Verdone has really dovetailed every scene beautifully – even in an over-the-top comedy, the audience feels a twinge of 'guilt,' after all, this guy is impersonating a priest! Ah, but, recall, Rolando is also a genuinely gifted teacher with a master's degree and thus qualified to instruct the young lady.The two go on a platonic tear – wreaking havoc at a bowling alley, abandoning diets and rules, eating too many custards at a Roman pastry shop (where Verdone calls Eve, 'a damn whore,' when his pastry, his third in five minutes, bursts and soils his habit) it's an hilarious whirlwind. As the film is on location, Verdone wrings even more bang for buck (or Lira) by shooting almost exclusively on location. Rome is a wonderful co-star.In the midst of the growing attraction 'tween priest and super-babe, are sandwiched several more scenes featuring Verdone and Bracconeri's very funny interaction. In addition to the interest as a thumbnail of Roman life, these scenes are just about Roberto Begnini-level hilarious; in other words, 'the funniest thing I've ever seen,' type of funny. Inevitably, Sandy makes a pass at Verdone, and has chosen a drive-in theater as the place to cease being a virgin. Verdone's Rolando's crushing self-doubt, (loathing?) overwhelms him and when Sandy's drive-in moment comes, his libido fails him.Rolando drives Sandy home and reminds her that the pair must henceforth, attend to studies; after all he's to be paid at the end of the week. As he helps her over a wall bordering her parent's massive estate, she promises to be good. Skipping away in glee however, Rolando is intercepted by Sandy's furious parents and the real Padre Spinetti. Told but for the scandal, he'd be jailed, Rolando is told to split and stay split. His car won't start and Rolando must sprint down the street in best 80's casual style; Ben Sherman and Levis 501s.Rolando arrives home, to considerable agro from Grandma. Doorbell rings; Sandy suddenly arrives- she's just left a midnight modeling shoot in the heart of ancient Rome (which we, the audience see). No romance between the two, because by the time Rolando has gotten the required bottle of whiskey from Bracconeri, Sandy's fast asleep.The next day, Rolando concocts an absurd story to get Grandma out of the way; telling her that her medical reports look ghastly. He loads her in a cab and tells her to have courage – but as the cab pulls off for a hospital, she tells the driver that her grandson, 'has a young lady he wants to be alone with.' No fooling a Roman Grandma.Rolando keeps telling Sandy she's too young for sex, and she repeatedly explodes, finally going to Bracconeri's apartment in frustration. As Rolando had lied earlier and told Bracconeri that he'd scored with the girl three times and 'secundo was the best of the three,' Bracconeri thinks she's some sort of bed hopper and can't credit his luck! He too is revealed as a lonely guy who – though he's with a lot of girls in the flick, is never with them.Rolando, imagining the worst, goes to Bracconeri's crib to get Sandy back and the two swap painful punches. Back at Grandma's flat, Sandy applies antiseptic to his wounds; and the grand passion is finally consummated, which Rolando puts at 25 minutes duration; Sandy more like 'three minutes from the moment he turned out the light.' As the two lie in the sack, Sandy's parents are of course, frantically trying to find their daughter from the records of the convent where Rolando had been employed as a janitor. In a beautiful scene, Rolando promises Sandy that he, while a 'nobody,' has great strength and will ask for her hand formally, from her mother. As Verdone drifts in and out of sleep, Sandy tearfully steals away – simply wonderful acting.We see Sandy walking aimlessly along the Tiber, when suddenly her family finds her and mother and daughter are reunited – as friends, rather than as exploitive Mom and Model. As for Rolando …There is always a P.S. in Italian films, it seems. (Even when the protagonist dies, life goes on!) Rolando returns to a field and watches planes landing a Fummicino airport … the field where once he and Sandy lay … and were shat on by birds … In this field, Sandy told Rolando of her dream man, as welling as telling Rolando, who inquired how HE measured up, that she liked his 'fat face,' most. She also said he needed a woman who would mother him. As the smash hit theme song comes up, (Fabio Liberatori put together a great score for this film – and still owes me a tape!) Rolando dances with three buddies who don't know the meaning of the field and ask why he keeps coming? They are hungry. And Rolando agrees; time to eat - his physic healing is complete.** While certainly not among the titans of Italian directors, Verdone is rather, a lesser Roman poet - no Martial or Horace he, but one of the countless minor poets from whom we mortals actually derive much of our daily pleasure. Acqua E Sapone means 'soap and water' 'a woman who know the ropes.' As Sandy eventually did come to know them … Knowing the meaning of this expression prior to viewing will make the film all the more enjoyable as it is laden with irony – Sandy and Rolando both barely know the ropes, for their separate reasons. Finally, I loaned this film to an American chum who could not see beyond the absurdist trappings and disliked it. Whereas a Brazilian, landlocked in the States, loved it, 'got it,' but felt that it was in fact a tragedy. As in a sense, I guess it is.Summer
