SpuffyWeb Sadly Over-hyped

Gurlyndrobb While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

Jenna Walter The film may be flawed, but its message is not.

Bob This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Nigel P Reviewing a comedy is difficult. If you examine the jokes too much, they fall apart. If you quote various lines out of context, they lose their impact. 'The Cottage' is very much of the type that deserves to be watched, enjoyed and left at that.To skirt over the story, David (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) have kidnapped Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) but the situation becomes more complicated than any of them could imagine. Then, those complications become complicated … and so on. Even in the very last scene, the situation that has taken on such satisfyingly ridiculous proportions becomes … even more complicated.My one real problem with this are the excessive profanities. At the risk of sounding like everyone's elderly parents, I found such expletives are shockingly funny to begin with, but become wearisome once they are established as the normal way of speaking. Other than that, this is a fine slice of black comedy. Politically incorrect in places, but mainly the laughs come from the extravagant blood and gore on display.Tracey's large breasts only feature once as the focal point of the comedy, serving only as a distraction allowing her to get the better of Peter. The males are the subject of the humour here, their ineptitude and consistent failures causing the mayhem that propels the story. It's good to see Hellraiser's Doug Bradley in this, but a shame his appearance is limited to a 'villager with dog' credit.All performances are enjoyable, with the excellent Shearsmith getting the brunt of the gory punishment. With Serkis, it is easy to note his performances as a number of CGI creations in other films, but this is a reminder what a good 'physical' actor he is too.

Jackson Booth-Millard I had seen the DVD for this film numerous times, I remembered two or three of the stars in it, and I knew it was obviously a scary movie, I had wanted to see it for a long while, and I was glad when I finally did, directed by Paul Andrew Williams (London to Brighton, Song for Marion). Basically brothers David (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) have kidnapped Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), the stepdaughter of underworld crime boss Arnie (Octopussy's Steven Berkoff) (only seen after the end credits, in a short and pointless cameo), they have brought her to a cottage in the countryside. Peter, who is very clumsy, makes the call to the stepfather and ask for a ransom of £100,000 to be delivered to the step-brother Andrew (So What Now's Steven O'Donnell), but Andrew is a moron and does not check the content of the bag, instead he is followed by two Chinese hit-men, hired by Tracey's stepfather. David and Peter discover the bag is full of scraps of paper, so David drives to the nearby village to make a phone call and demand the money, when he returns he finds Andrew fainted, and Tracey has managed to escape and reverted the situation by making Peter her hostage. Tracey drags Peter into an old and secluded cottage, taking him inside they find a series of severed heads, the cottage is occupied by an insane and deformed Farmer (Dave Legeno), he has killed the killers looking for the brothers, and he kills Tracey. After a series of chases and the Farmer killing Andrew, the two brothers try their best to stick together and survive the night of violence, in the end David is impaled by a pick axe, and Peter is trapped in a basement surrounded by the Farmer's cannibalistic wife and daughters. Also starring Simon Schatzberger as Steven, Hellraiser's Doug Bradley as Villager with Dog, Mike and Angelo's Katy Murphy as Farmer's Wife and This Is England '86's Johnny Harris as Smoking Joe. There are certainly good recognisable faces in the cast, it is a little predictable with two bumbling criminals trying to get a ransom and then the film switching gear, but I agree with critics, this is trying too hard to be like An American Werewolf in London and Shaun of the Dead, a film trying blend scares and laughs together, it does fine with the amount of gory violence, over-the-top kills and stuff, but it only made me giggle a little bit, all in all it is an average comedy horror. Okay!

markhaazen This is a surprisingly entertaining film. It shows what a bunch of good actors and producers can do on a budget. Nowhere near as gory as some and the plot has been done to death a thousand times but when the gore comes it is really surprisingly well done and will make you jump out of your skin at times. Well worth the money and one to watch more than once. Miss Ellison is a delight. Hilarious Comedy mixed with blood & gore, I think the cast must have had a real job to keep a straight face during filming, especially the scene with David and the bumbling idiot character, Andrew. (re the bottle opener, and the balaclava).... What comedy genius!THIS FILM TRULY IS A GEM!!

WildestDreams The Cottage had a couple good things going for it. The acting is pretty solid overall and the soundtrack is excellent. The background music is classic 80's slasher horror orchestra, a real treat for horror fanatics. I wanted to love this movie, I wanted to like it, but it falls apart in so many aspects.One major problem is that the crazed farmer's face looks like a cheap plastic mask. He was supposed to have been disfigured in a farming accident, but the makeup is just horrible on him. Some cover-boy...The biggest downfall of this film is the lack of logic. I'll describe 2 of the many examples: A man has been stabbed through the leg with a pick ax. He pulls it out and tosses it aside, knowing full well he's in the middle of nowhere with a homicidal maniac chasing after him. Why wouldn't he keep the pick ax for a weapon?! He can't run away with that hole in his leg, and eventually the maniac comes chasing after him with that very same pick ax. How incredibly stupid is that?! Another laughable example of sloppiness: the Asian goon squad. Their actions are inexplicable and their motives are never explained. They appear to have been hired for a hostage negotiation and a possible hit, but they never attempt to make contact with the rest of the characters. All they do is creep around the cottage, even when there's ample opportunity to make a move. And they're armed with only hunting knives. What kind of assassins don't carry guns?! The top Netflix review says The Cottage is brilliant. I say, as the British might put it, its rubbish.