ManiakJiggy This is How Movies Should Be Made

Titreenp SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

Taha Avalos The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

Celia A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

Bezenby Wahey! I didn't expect this one to be as delightfully bonkers as it turned out, but then why did I expect it to be normal, knowing fine well that the police inspector in charge is played by a Humphrey Bogart impersonator, complete with mac and the constant presence of a cigarette?Ol' fake Bogey is out to catch the killer of hooker Barbara Bouchet, beaten to death in a classy French brothel run by Anita Ekberg. At first it looks like her boyfriend did it, which would make sense as he was seemingly the last person with her, and was badly beating her up last time we saw Babs alive. Her boyfriend gets captured and sentenced to death during a court scene shown mostly in negative (?), curses all the witnesses to a violent death, escapes from prison, then accidentally decapitates himself while speeding on a motorbike. Saves wear and tear on the guillotine I guess!Those relieved witnesses are not so relieved as someone starts bumping them off, starting with the beating to death of Anita Ekberg (in a weird, multi-coloured scene), but who would want these people dead? Is it singer Rosalba Neri? Her husband, Pepe? Pepe's lover, (I can't be bothered looking up her name)? What about the author who lives in the brothel, 'researching a book'? The judge seems to be involved too, as does his doctor mate who wants to operate on the boyfriend decapitated head. Gordon Mitchell also shows up for a quick cameo which has nothing to do with anything and is totally pointless. I think he was drunk and just wandered on set.Upping the madness factor is your usual sleaze and some gore thrown in for good measure, and the killer's motivation for killing is remarkably tasteless, even for a film that's shown up two decapitations and a doctor cutting up what looks like a lamb's eyeball. I like my gialli short, daft, with plenty of sauce, so full marks to Bogey!Wait – didn't the doctor's assistant say he saw the boyfriend's eyes move while examining his severed head? What was that all about? He was just told to shut up and not mention it again.

Coventry I love the Italian Gialli and "The French Sex Murders" is a title that has been on my must-see list for several years now, but I always postponed watching it because I too often read harsh and negative reviews about this goofy looking film. Now, of course, I regret having waited so long, because "The French Sex Murders" is a massively entertaining – if heavily flawed – giallo treasure with plenty of gruesome murders, a cast full of familiar faces and a nicely offbeat sense of black humor. The most curious and striking aspect about this film is that the police inspector who investigates a series of bloody prostitute murders is played by Humphrey Bogart doppelganger Robert Sacchi, and he also dresses, acts and talks exactly like the legendary film-noir actor. In some countries the film was even released with an alternate title referring to Bogart, like "The Bogeyman and the French Murders" (in Norway) and "The Brigade of Inspector Bogart" (in Spain). But anyway, the film opens with an unidentifiable body falling to its death from the Eiffel Tower. The camera zooms in on Inspector Bogart, he lights a cigarette, and begins narrative the whole story. The first murder victim is the luscious Francine, a blonde prostitute working in the Paris' luxury brothel of Madame Colette. The prime suspect is of course her last client, Antoine Gottvalles, especially because he's known as an aggressive man and regular visitor at Madame Collete's. But the murders continue even after Antoine is beheaded in a freak accident, so the Inspector has a number of suspects including a vile night club owner, a perverted American novelist who practically lives at the brothel and the sinister assistant of the acclaimed Professor Waldemar. The latter, by the way, has a morbid fascination for human eyeballs, which results in a couple of nauseating and 200% gratuitous gore sequences. As quite often the case in Italian gialli, as well as in all the films of the infamous producer Dick Randall, the plot isn't all that important. The emphasis here particularly lies on naked ladies, nasty bloodshed and a couple of truly sick and depraved plot ingredients (like the ultimate motivation of the killer). The culprit's identity is painfully easy to predict, although admittedly typecasting is also to blame for this, while several potentially intriguing characters remain vague and underdeveloped. The cast and crew list "The French Sex Murders" is definitely one that makes the mouth of every Italian cult fanatic water! Director Ferdinando Merighi is perhaps an unknown soldier, but what a bunch of acclaimed people he managed to gather! In front of the camera we have cult goddesses like Anita Ekberg (as the French Madame), Barbara Bouchet (as a feisty prostitute in red lingerie) and Rosalba Neri (I'm in love with her since "Lady Frankenstein"). Among the males we have the grim-faced Rolf Eden, Renato Romano and Jess Franco regular Howard Vernon. There is even room for a small cameo by Gordon Mitchell as an over-enthusiast night club visitor. Behind the camera, Merighi could count on the collaboration of Bruno Nicolai for the cool soundtrack, Bruno Mattei for the editing and Carlo Rambaldi – creator of E.T. – for the special effects. "The French Sex Murders" is far from great, but it's definitely a cult oddity that giallo freaks can't afford to skip.

adriangr I usually have a lot of time for cheesy mid-1970's Euro-thrillers, but this one was a very poor effort. It involves a string of murders and the usual red herrings and sleaze, but the presentation is amateurish and without any atmosphere at all.The film begins with a suicide leap from the Eiffel Tower. We cannot see who jumps, but it's only 2-3 minutes into the film and we already have Terrible Special Effect Number One: the suicide leap is depicted by means of a cartoon black silhouette of a man superimposed over a still image of the tower...my jaw dropped. The plot switches to a brothel where the madam (a rather hefty looking Anita Ekberg with a massive hairdo) and her girls are entertaining some rich clients. A less rich and more troublesome customer called Antoine gatecrashes the party and asks for his favourite girl. After some sexy embracing during which time he lavishes stolen jewelry on her, the atmosphere turns sour when she tries to leave the bedroom. Some slapping follows, and Antoine overacts wildly, while attempting to keep his todger covered at all times (failing at least one, which is quite amusing). He eventually flees the brothel, and when the staff come to investigate they find the girl has been murdered.Things go into a decline from here on as some dull police inspectors investigate the murder, and chase after Antoine. Watch out for Terrible Special Effect Number Two as Antoine is shown escaping on a motorbike. In close ups of his face its obvious that he's not even moving and is being filmed in front of plain white and plain black (?) backgrounds instead of the supposed leafy countryside. And wait for a real laugh-out-loud moment with Terrible Special Effect Number Three: a truly lame decapitation.The film plods on, trying to spin a web of mystery and shock. There are more murders. They aren't interesting in the slightest and they are certainly not "sex murders" as suggested by the film's title. At one point a doctor is shown dissecting a human eye. This is depicted by terrible Special Effect Number Four: the use of a bloodied-up sheep's eye which is mauled apart by some amateur stage hand with what seems to be a very blunt scalpel, resulting in bits of goo and gristle getting squished all over the plate it is resting on...some fine medical handiwork there! The acting is uniformly bad, and of course the dubbing is terrible...truly awful. Try this sample English dialogue from a scene in which Antoine is captured: "No I didn't kill her. Are you mad? I'm not guilty! You'll find out I'm not guilty! No I'm not the murderer! You won't believe I didn't commit it!" It's like listening to a rabid Yoda! Especially when he snarls: "From the grave I'll come back!" Was this really the best they could do? Most pointless of all is that the police investigation is presided over by a Humphrey Bogart look-alike, complete with slicked back hair, long raincoats, the lot. There's no explanation for why he's dressed up as a clone of Bogart and it makes no contribution to any part of the film's plot. I sat through the whole thing waiting for it to get better, but it never did. Of course there's a big revelation at the end but it's not much of a pay off for the preceding 90 minutes. The only diversions from the tedium are the very 1970's feel (everybody smokes!), and some groovy music and lots of attractive actresses, but very little else. Do yourself a favour and avoid this one.

Woodyanders A vicious killer brutally bumps off prostitutes at a swanky Paris bordello run by the stern Madame Colette (the lovely Anita Ekberg). The hard-boiled Inspector Pontaine (an amusing performance by Humphrey Bogart impersonator Robert Sacchi) investigates the murders. Propable suspects include the hot-headed Antoine Gottvalles (moody Peter Martell), smarmy nightclub owner Pepi (slimy Rolf Eden), and sinister Professor Waldemar (Jess Franco film regular Howard Vernon). Director Ferdinando Merighi maintains a snappy pace throughout as well as delivers a smattering of sleazy soft-core sex, a sprinkling of tasty gratuitous female nudity, and a few dollops of tacky gore (a couple of cheesy decapitations rate as the definite splatter highlights). Moreover, Merighi stages the grisly murder set pieces with deliciously garish psychedelic stylistic aplomb. The always welcome and enticing presences of beautiful cult Eurobabe starlets Barbara ("Don't Torture A Duckling") Bouchet, Rosalba ("The Arena") Neri, and Evelyn ("The Mighty Peking Man") Kraft qualifies as another substantial asset. The polished cinematography by Mario Mancini and Gunter Otto makes nifty occasional use of a hand-held camera. Bruno Nicolai's pretty and melodic, yet groovy and jazzy score really hits the funky spot. Italian peblum muscleman star Gordon Mitchell pops up in a bit part as a nightclub patron. Good, trashy fun.