Steinesongo Too many fans seem to be blown away

Baseshment I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

Sammy-Jo Cervantes There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

Sameer Callahan It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

Wizard-8 "Universal Soldier: The Return" was the last Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle to get a substantial theatrical release. The studio that backed it up probably saw the diminishing returns for the Van Damme movies that had been released just before this one, seeing that they released the movie near the end of August, a traditionally weak time at the box office. It's not like they had a particularly strong movie to work with in the first place. It often has a cheap feel to it, coming across like many direct-to-video efforts of the time. The script also resembles those found in DTV movies, being very simple- minded and playing out with absolutely no surprises. (Additionally, some plot holes, a somewhat abrupt ending, and a short running time suggest some major cuts during the editing stage.) Well, all those problems probably wouldn't matter much if the movie was exciting and action packed - but it isn't. The action comes across as flat and by the numbers, and isn't the least bit exciting. So it isn't surprising that the "return" at the box office wasn't that substantial.

Scott LeBrun Jean-Claude Van Damme returns as Luc Deveraux, the former Universal Soldier who now trains others of his kind. The military intends to shut down the Universal Soldier program, and all-powerful computer intelligence SETH gets wind of this somehow. It rebels against its creators, uniting all of the UniSols against the Army and waging all-out war. Luc is virtually the only one who can save the day. Meanwhile, SETH finds itself a handy human body (charismatic Michael Jai White, "Spawn") to use in moving around."Universal Soldier: The Return" is a movie that this viewer can respect even if he doesn't enjoy it all that much. It doesn't set out to do anything other than entertain the action movie audience, with a breakneck pace, tons of violence and explosions, and a high body count. It adopts a tongue in cheek attitude a fair amount of the time, which helps. (The scenes with wrestler Bill Goldberg, making his acting debut, are proof of this, with his repeated refrain, "I hate that guy.") Still, it's patently silly and preposterous stuff, the kind of thing that requires the turning off of the brain.Van Damme is a decent hero, and he's joined by a solid cast, including Xander Berkeley, Daniel von Bargen, Justin Lazard, James Black, and Brent Hinkley as a weirdo named "Squid". Heidi Schanz plays practically the same character that Ally Walker did in the first movie, a sexy and feisty reporter who insists on tagging along for much of the ride. Fitness guru Kiana Tom doesn't get a lot to do as one of Lucs' associates. Goldberg may indeed be a less than stellar actor, but makes up for that with ass kicking ability. White is a fine villain.This is energetic, over the top nonsense with a hard pounding heavy metal soundtrack. At least it's not boring.Six out of 10.

shadowsal01 This Movie just shows how far a crappy story line and acting take you...about maybe 10 minutes of what I thought was going to be OK but it was just down hill from there. Van Dame Just finds a way to always take off his shirt or finds a way to always flex in every position that he finds himself. That bald guy or should I call him Stone cold Steve all he needed was some beers after he beat the crud out of Van crap and sprayed his alcohol load all over each others steroid bodies. Waste of the precious time you have in this world.May god have mercy on Van crap for delivering this load of would be acting.Terrible

Comeuppance Reviews Luc Deveraux (Van Damme) returns, but the question is...why? This time around, Luc is just a regular Joe with a daughter, and he's working with a Dr. Cotner (Berkeley) to refine and improve the Universal Soldier project. This is pretty surprising considering how he was treated by the higher-ups in the first movie. Nevertheless, At the base, everything is controlled by a 2001: A Space Odyssey-styled computer called SETH. When the intelligent SETH determines that the government is going to pull his plug, he transfers himself into the body of Michael Jai White and goes hunting for Luc and his daughter. As if that wasn't enough to contend with, Luc also must fend off fellow Unisol (a contraction of the words "Universal Soldier" for those that didn't see the first movie) Romeo (Goldberg). Naturally there's yet another do-nothing female reporter, Erin (Schanz). How will Deveraux get out of this one? Sadly, this sequel to the highly entertaining original is a disappointment. It's a big drop from the first one - it's lifeless and not a crowd-pleaser. While it did receive a theatrical release, surprisingly, it has a chintzy Direct-To-Video look to it. It never inspires confidence when 95% of your movie takes place in one building. Yes, "The Return", as we call it (we refuse to dignify this crud with the Universal Soldier name) is one of THOSE.Even from its silly opening sequence (which naturally involves rockin' jetskis), and throughout its many scenes with terrible music behind them, this movie is trying to be hip and cool, but fails. A great example of this is the character of Squid (Hinkley) - a radically-awesome drinker of Mountain Dew who loves his Frankenberry cereal. And speaking of characters that audiences can't possibly connect with, the choice to cast fitness girl Kiana Tom instead of a proper actress is just odd. But the most glaring casting change involves the complete lack of Dolph Lundgren. Sure, we all love Goldberg, as much as anyone really can, but he's no substitute for the Dolphster. Surely even Mr. Lundgren, who's no stranger to DTV junk, read the script for this and headed for the hills.Not so for Van Damme, who looks tired and disinterested, even as he spouts his one-liners. Does anyone really want to see Luc Deveraux as just some normal dude - with a kid even? Surely a sign of this movie's status as a pale reflection of its forebear is, instead of the robotic monocle the Unisols wear over an eye in the first film, now they just wear Blu-Blocker Bono sunglasses.And while this movie is very dumb, and disjointed, and features some downright embarrassing steals from Demolition Man and Terminator 2, Michael Jai White ALMOST saves the movie. He puts in by far the best performance and seems dedicated to his role as the sinister SETH. But even despite his valiant efforts, he can't overcome the cruddiness within. But on the bright side, a character rides Goldberg down a flight of stairs like a sled. Yes, you read that correctly.The bottom line is, this movie is an obvious cash-in and simply doesn't need to exist. You might think, before watching this, "Yeah! It's a Universal Soldier movie! Cool!" - it's only natural to think that, but unfortunately, this movie doesn't satisfy those expectations.For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com