TrueJoshNight Truly Dreadful Film

Solemplex To me, this movie is perfection.

Inclubabu Plot so thin, it passes unnoticed.

Seraherrera The movie is wonderful and true, an act of love in all its contradictions and complexity

robertmaiorana You can perfectly describe how dumb the movie is in the opening scenes when it pauses the movie to give pointless character factoids and how it looks like Samuel Jackson is talking to the audience but really he's talking to a football player?. Like wtf happen? I know the original had SOME humor but at least it took itself serious and XXX still had the badass character with quick smart ass remarks but we get this really unbelievable villains and plot i swear to god I thought i saw this humor and style before, and I did it's Kingmen. Kingsman from the gecko was stupid plot and humor but this is just stupid when you consider the previous two had the same serious badass save the world tone and this one loses it completely. I feel bad for anyone who paid to see this.

just_funme I didn't go to watch it when it came out, from the trailer we all knew what to expect. So, I'm sitting here, TV in the background on HBO, when suddenly, this movie starts. Figured, what the hell, let's see how bad could it be.Enjoy my short review of xXx: Return of Xander Cage.Cheesy line, cheesy line, cheesy line, Xander Cage's cheeeesy lines, hot girls, hot girls rubbing on Xander, shots, shaky cam, shaky cam, no laws of physics, cheesy line, cheesy line, hot girls, shaky cam, shaky cam, cheesy line, explosions, Ice Cube, Ice Cube's cheeesy line, no laws of physics, shaky cam, slow mo, cheesy line cheesy line, somehow they win, though not really, since not real plot. Final cheesy line. Kinda late, I know, but I hope this helps. *enter cheesy line here*

The Movie Diorama The original xXx is a good time. Vin Diesel, Russian parties (or Belarusian...I forgot) and the pounding soundtrack of Rammstein. It's just fun. Over a decade later, we have a sequel (discounting the Ice Cube abomination). Why? I don't know. Yet here we are. Xander Cage is recruited to obtain 'Pandora's Box', a device that seemingly brings down satellites and make them act like missiles. Cage recruits fellow multicultural (because that's important, obviously) xXx members to save the world. Generic technological spy plot blah blah blah, you didn't watch xXx for the plot. You watched it for the adrenaline fuelled stunts, the sheer crazy feats that Cage achieves. Unsurprisingly, this fell flat. Riding a motorbike on water? Sure. Jumping and flipping over moving traffic? Why not. Skiing down a jungle mountain? Wait what!? Props for the stupid stunts, they did indeed put a smile on my face. The inclusion of Donnie Yen doing his own stunts and owning every fight scene was perfect. The light sarcastic witty tone bursting throughout the script was fun. But that is all this film is...fun. Leave your brain behind and just watch the mindless action unfold. Even so, there are way too many issues here. Generic boring plot aside, Vin Diesel clearly loves himself too much that he constantly surrounds himself with beautiful women and relishes the chance for topless scenes. Extremely over indulgent, he is an action star unfortunately. The supporting cast, apart from Yen, were wasted. Toni Collette was a weird choice and Ruby Rose was underused. The visual effects were horrendously noticeable. Vin Diesel's stunt double was far too obvious, especially in fights with Yen. Caruso's direction was mediocre at best. Substituting Rammstein for electro pop music is the worst crime. Who doesn't love Rammstein!? The original was more memorable in my eyes, so I have to downgrade this. Fun but far too mediocre.

darthbalzzz I like terrible movies that I can laugh at, but this is something else entirely. I laughed one time and that's when Xander basically performs a roundhouse with a dirt bike to a persons face. I could list things that are better, but it would take 10 years to complete that list so all opt to list the things I enjoy less 1. Gay porn 2. Twilight The end.